New Years Resolutions

I HATE New Year Resolutions with a passion. I never keep them so what's the bloody point. Well this year there is going to be a point. Because I'm going to make some and keep them. I'm dertermined. Not a stupid one like be thin or love life. Having depression and anxiety loving life every. Single. Day. Believe or not can prove difficult. But I am going to try to get organised and do one thing reasonably productive every day. I've been unemployed and out of education for 6 months and literally have nothing to show for it. Step one for this get a diary and actually use it for a whole year and to blog more. To help me I'm going to try to blog at least once a week (ideally I'm aiming for twice a week but we'll see). So watch this space haha. The fact I've had a hundred posts unfinished and un-published for the whole first week of January isn't a great start but two in one day may mean I'm on the way to greatness 😂

What I Got for Christmas 2015

I was spoilt rotten this year, my mother was ridiculously extravagant and I definitely don't deserve any of what I got. I'm not boasting it's just I'm a nosey cow and love reading these types of posts so thought I'd give it a try to get back into blogging as this year my blogging has been well, non-existant. Because my mother really goes for it at Christmas and has been insanely generous this year I'm going to have to split it between a what I got in my stocking blog post and what I got as my main prezzies.

To make this a bit more interesting I thought I'd throw in a run down of the day and all the traditions our family has.

As I've got older the time to get up has got later but that doesn't mean I wake up any later than before. So my new Christmas tradition is to watch last years ShayTards Christmas Special while I wait for everyone to wake up. After I hear various family members getting up to go to the loo I know it's ready to drag my stocking that's been carefully hung outside my door on to my mum's bed to begin delving in.

Mum was very generous with things that were meant to just be stocking fillers.

One of the things at the top was Malala's book. I can't wait to read it she is just incredibly inspiring.

Something else was a Christmas sweetshop set from Asda. Yum, yum. It looks so cute, I love miniature things that look vintage or traditional so this was perfect she certainly knows me well.

I also got a few things from the Zoella Christmas range. I have yet to try anything from any of the Zoella ranges so am excited to try the glitter powder puff; something that has already taken pride of place on top of my chest of drawers that I try to decorate a bit like I'd decorate a dressing table if I had enough room to have one and the bath billinis.

Something I pulled out was a Tangle Teezer and I can see what all the fuss is about I use to have a Denman Tangle Tamer which had a handle but that's been lost :( but I love my Tangle Teezer so much I might buy another one to keep in my bag especially as I've seen a pale purple and pink one I think (it was definitely pastel anyway). So that was another prezzie that was a winner.

Another thing I received was a fluffy burgundy Pom Pom keyring all the cool kids have got one so it was right near the top of list.

I also got the obligatory gift of socks my favourites were definitely the Hogwarts house trainer socks I don't really like full length and I do love showing a bit of house pride ;) so they were just perfect good job Mum.

The other obligatory gifts are knickers. Festive Primark knickers to be precise, no Christmas is complete without them.

Some other things that made an appearance were some beanies with a cute fluffy Pom Pom on top a grey one, a burgundy one and a burnt orange one that perfectly matches a boyfriend coat I own.

I also got some CDs 'Now That's What I Call Disney which I have been forbidden to play in the family car and a Best of Etta James CD who is just about my favourite artist of all time. Seriously she's a babe and her voice is like silk. If you've never heard of her definitely listen to I'd Rather Go Blind it's stunning.

The final thing in my stocking was something that sort become a tradition; Classic Disney DVDs!!!! Mainly because all mine were on VHS and in the end had to go to charity because the VHS player went kaput. So I'm trying (with help) to build up my collection. Especially because I love the holographic sleeve the Disney DVDs come with now. Last year I got The Little Mermaid and The Lion King and this year under my request I got Robin Hood, Peter Pan and Sleeping Beauty. I think Hercules, Treasure Planet and The Princess and The Frog will be on my birthday wishlist I think some modern good-uns are needed. Unless you've got other suggestions let me know in the comments below and while you're there why don't you tell me what you got for Christmas and what some of your family Christmas traditions are?

Jealous of the Most Popular Girl on the Internet

This blog post is going to be the first marker which shows it's a piece of me. When I started this blog all the way back in January the reason I pushed forward with the idea is because I promised myself it'd be a little corner of the internet that would be just for me. It would be my inner-most thoughts, the really deep stuff and my somewhat limited knowledge on my make-up obsession. 

Whatever I posted was going to be me. Most me realised that it was just for me, and that a limited amount of people would read it. But bearing all I'm not going to lie there was the tiniest part of me that hoped for the kind-of world-wide success Zoe Sugg has. And a big part of me is massively jealous of her, I mean the girl has it all. Success, fame, money, beauty and a gorgeous boyfriend. A lot of the things I wish I had. And she seems to be just swanning through life, happy. Something I'm so not. 

I guess I'm one of those people that gets really sucked up into something. I think it might be something to do with my long-term battle with depression. I spend hours watching other people's lives and they're doing the most amazing stuff; travelling the world, meeting hoards of screaming fans, all-expense  trips to Disneyland, meeting amazing people. So it's when I look at myself struggling through my a-levels, a nobody, with no real hope of fulfilling my dream of being an actress. I suppose I get to a point where I'm so jealous of people online I forget how good my life is offline; an amazing family, a warm bed to sleep in every night, food on the table at every mealtime. 

I don't know, I just get to a point where everyone seems to have it better and I've spent weeks stuck in a cycle where I spend every spare minute wishing my life away. But no matter how many times I tell myself I still get stuck in the same cycle, no matter how many times I stay off the internet for a while, I don't know how but somehow I manage to get stuck in the same cycle. 

I'm sorry if someone is reading this hoping for advice, I don't really have any better maybe we can get through this together. And if anyone has any advice for me it be great either way leave comments below, maybe we could all help each other out.

Little Piece of Me

So it's new years day and I've finally started my blog. I've wanted a space online where I can be me, express everything I want to. So as I sit in front of my beautiful Christmas tree (I know we're taking it down soon) watching Under the Hedge looking after my adorable 10 month old nephew I've decided to get round to it. I suppose it's the only thing that stands in between me and ultimate pro-procrastinator status (my UCAS application is due in 15 days and I haven't even started my personal statement yet!!!). I've wanted to do it for about 18 months but I am so UNtech-savvy that I didn't know how, it took a ridiculous amount of research to do something so incredibly easy. Hopefully this turns into a long term thing but I'm so incredibly unfocused and lazy that it's going to take a lot of hard work and effort for that to happen. I'm thinking this is going mainly a beauty blog but I want to post some bookish posts and some deep stuff, but we'll see how it goes.