This blog post is going to be the first marker which shows it's a piece of me. When I started this blog all the way back in January the reason I pushed forward with the idea is because I promised myself it'd be a little corner of the internet that would be just for me. It would be my inner-most thoughts, the really deep stuff and my somewhat limited knowledge on my make-up obsession.
Whatever I posted was going to be me. Most me realised that it was just for me, and that a limited amount of people would read it. But bearing all I'm not going to lie there was the tiniest part of me that hoped for the kind-of world-wide success Zoe Sugg has. And a big part of me is massively jealous of her, I mean the girl has it all. Success, fame, money, beauty and a gorgeous boyfriend. A lot of the things I wish I had. And she seems to be just swanning through life, happy. Something I'm so not.
I guess I'm one of those people that gets really sucked up into something. I think it might be something to do with my long-term battle with depression. I spend hours watching other people's lives and they're doing the most amazing stuff; travelling the world, meeting hoards of screaming fans, all-expense trips to Disneyland, meeting amazing people. So it's when I look at myself struggling through my a-levels, a nobody, with no real hope of fulfilling my dream of being an actress. I suppose I get to a point where I'm so jealous of people online I forget how good my life is offline; an amazing family, a warm bed to sleep in every night, food on the table at every mealtime.
I don't know, I just get to a point where everyone seems to have it better and I've spent weeks stuck in a cycle where I spend every spare minute wishing my life away. But no matter how many times I tell myself I still get stuck in the same cycle, no matter how many times I stay off the internet for a while, I don't know how but somehow I manage to get stuck in the same cycle.
I'm sorry if someone is reading this hoping for advice, I don't really have any better maybe we can get through this together. And if anyone has any advice for me it be great either way leave comments below, maybe we could all help each other out.
